ShakespeareZombie

ShakespeareZombie

Monday, August 6, 2018

Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli

“Imagine going about your day knowing someone’s carrying you in their mind. That has to be the best part of being in love- the feeling of having a home in some else’s brain...”

I loved Simon Vs. the Homosapiens Agenda and The Upside of Unrequited, so of course I wanted to read Albertalli's newest book. Leah on the Offbeat is more of a direct sequel to Simon, as Upside focused on different characters on the very outskirts of the universe. Here, Simon's friend Leah deals with high school drama of her own.

Leah knows who she is; she's fat, she's a Slytherin, she's a drummer. She's a little self conscious about not being as rich as her classmates, as she was raised by her single mother. What she hasn't told any of her friends, including Simon, is that she is bisexual. It changes her feelings towards Abby in the previous book. Where it seemed that she didn't like the new girl because of a crush on mutual friend Nick, Leah had actually been struggling with an attraction to Abby.

It turns out that those feelings haven't gone away. What's worse is that it makes every interaction with Abby awkward. Not that it matters if Leah likes Abby because Abby is dating Nick and Abby is straight. But Abby and Leah are going to the same college, and Abby wants Leah to go with her for a campus visit. Then she breaks up with Nick because she doesn't want a long distance relationship. Also, it turns out that Abby might not be as straight as she thought she was.

I love the characters in Albertalli's books. In general, teenagers make me nervous and frightened, but these kids are so sweet and funny. I want to help them with their homework and give them hugs and bake them cookies and help them with their complicated love lives (Although, at least they have love lives...maybe they can help with mine!) Leah on the Offbeat is another excellent book and I'm excited to read more from Albertalli.



The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang

I believe I have stated this before on here, but I'm not much of a Romance girl. There seems to be a stereotype of women loving their little mass market paperbacks of billionaires seducing young ingenues or Fabio with an open shirt kissing a woman with a heaving bosom. Of course, not all women are into these things, and if they are, that's their business and they aren't hurting anyone, so who cares? But I digress...romance isn't my thing, which is why I surprised myself by enjoying the Cannonball Read recommended The Hating Game last year. This year, I was intrigued by the new release, The Kiss Quotient, so I decided to give it a try.

The Kiss Quotient is about econometrician Stella. She is really good with math and great at her job. Of course, because she is a single woman of advanced age (She is 30 years old, the hag! #eyeroll), her parents are hounding her to marry a nice man and have some babies. Unfortunately, the situation is a bit complicated because Stella has Asperger's and is very awkward in social situations. When her douchebag coworker (Who her parents think would make a great match, which: ew) suggests that she could land a boyfriend by learning to be better at sex, she thinks he might be on to something. Stella decides to hire an escort to practice her skills.

Michael is said hooker with a heart of gold. He turns tricks to pay off his mother's medical bills, but his true passion is fashion design. When Michael meets Stella, he immediately falls in love with her. He doesn't understand how such a beautiful, sweet young lady would need to hire someone like him. During their bedroom time, he starts to realize that she has had some bad encounters in the past. Her other paramours didn't care that she was tense and scared. Michael takes it slowly, gets her to relax and open up. They don't actually have sex, but it is a very positive encounter.

Stella wants to hire Michael again. He has a strict policy against repeating clients, but she threatens to hire another escort, and Michael worries about her. After some more sex practice, she decides what she needs is to hire him as a pretend boyfriend. She will pay him $10,000 to be her boyfriend for a month. After that, she will be able to snag a real boyfriend. Of course, by now Stella really wants Michael but thinks that he couldn't possibly want her. Michael in turn wants Stella but thinks she couldn't possibly want him.

I'm a little torn because I liked The Kiss Quotient, it's a pretty sweet romance. But there is a LOT of sex. So. Much. Sex. It's a bit much for someone more used to YA books and fade to black sex encounters, especially given how graphic it is. Here's a question for more experienced romance readers: do men always come off creepy when doing dirty talk/sex lessons? Because Michael's bedroom instruction sounded a little condescending to me. Also, is it normal for him to call her vagina a sex? Is that a thing? Part of me does wish that Stella wasn't described as tiny, pretty, perfect body. Some love for a taller, lumpier girl with Asperger's would have been nice. It still gets extra points for switching up traditional gender roles, the whole reverse Pretty Woman thing. All in all, I recommend The Kiss Quotient, but prepare yourself for some very intense reading that could possibly embarrass you in public.