Friday, April 30, 2010

Vampire Forensics by Mark Collins Jenkins

Reduced to its common denominator, the vampire is a classic scapegoat.
Michael Bell, folklorist

Vampire Forensics really gets down to the nitty gritty of vampire origin, all the stuff you wanted to know but were too blinded by sparkles to find out. As it tuns out, vampires have existed in various forms and various countries. The common denominator seems to be the use of the vampire in explaining natural phenomena of everyday life, especially so where death is concerned.

Way back when, it turns out that people didn't have a keen grasp on the intricacies of biology. Thanks to this book, I now know more than I ever actually wanted to know about what happens when a body decays. Because of this knowledge, I plan on never dying. To return to the book, people used to see corpses that didn't decay naturally, corpses that seemed to grow after death, corpses that shifted in the grave and sat in puddles of fresh blood. Logically, this meant that the corpse was a vampire who must be incinerated.

There were countless tales of the dead returning to torment the living, sometimes through pestilence, sometimes other means. The bodies would be dug up, and sure enough, they were still fresh. Once the body was destroyed, burned, staked, or whatever means was used, the torment would stop and the vampire would be gone for good.

As for the origins of vampires, some connect outbreaks of vampirism with that of rabies. Rabies leads to aggression and a sensitivity to light and strong odors, such as garlic. It's all a little bit like finding out that Santa's beard is fake. I wasn't exactly hoping for confirmation that something out there may try to drain my jugular, but I am disappointed that it seems as though vampires are really just people being idiots. Not much has changed today, Twihards I am looking at you. At least people back then had ignorance as an excuse. When your life expectancy is in the 40s and half your family is dead from plague, you tend to blame whatever you can. Twihards, you have no excuse.

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