Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Gossip Girl: Nobody Does It Better by Cecily von Ziegesar

Let's call this little bit of trash a palate cleanser. Who am I kidding, though? I love the "Gossip Girl" television show, and not even in the guilty pleasure way that I love "Glee." I'm kind of ashamed to watch "Glee" sometimes, but I love every second of "Gossip Girl." It's trashy, but from my first reading of the book series, I have to say that the book series is far, far worse. Everyone is horrible.

Gossip Girl is a blog that follows the lives of a bunch of high school students. On the show, GG is voiced by Kristen Bell and pretty much says catty/nonsensical things at the commercial breaks. In the books, she has her spottings of the big players and infers that she herself is involved in the world somehow, most likely a student the same age.

In this, the seventh installment of the series, we find the older kids in their senior year of high school. Blair Waldorf, my favorite character on the show and really despite all her bitchiness, the least despicable character in the book, is wait-listed at Yale. Yale is her dream school and she even named her baby sister Yale. Blair and boyfriend Nate have recently started having sex and she moves out to be able to have more sex with Nate. Unfortunately, Nate is too busy getting stoned, hijacking his parents' boat, and playing Oreos checkers for kisses with some French girl, so he and Blair break up again.

Vanessa Abrams, always my least favorite character, is looking for a roommate. She interviews some guy that she falls in love with. He wants to get to know her before committing to anything, and long story short, takes her to this house where artists have been putting on a party for months, a party involving performance art and cutting off fingers. Vanessa was this arty girl with a shaved head who instantly rejected any normal Constance Billard and upper east side stuff, but even she is weirded out.

Dan Humphrey was recruited by the Raves, this really popular band that makes me think of Vampire Weekend. He apparently got very drunk and started singing at Vanessa's 18th birthday, and they loved his horrid poetry. His plot involves shaving his neck, dressing like a little gangster rapper, and screaming, "Crack me like an egg." Oh, and throwing up onstage and getting kicked out of the band in favor of his little sister.

His sister, Jenny, has one...make that two characteristics and they are attached to her chest. Every chapter, pretty much every other paragraph, it's all about Jenny's boobs. So, Jenny is hanging out with the Raves (Underaged! Boobs!) and doing everything she can to disobey her father. Why would she be doing that? Well, Little J wants to go to boarding school to be just like Serena and to do that, she has to misbehave. It's dumb.

Serena VanDerWoodsen pretty much just exists in her immaculate perfection. She is trying to think of a way to tell Blair that she decided to go to Yale for college. (She got into Yale, Stoner Nate got into Yale, but poor straight-A Blair is wait-listed.)

Finally, the awesome Chuck Bass only showed up in a few scenes. He was wearing a jumpsuit and carrying a tote back containing a snow monkey (!) named Sweetie. And apparently, because he didn't get into college, his parents are sending him to military school. Can that actually happen? I really want to know.

The book ends with Blair and Vanessa becoming roomies and actually getting along, Vanessa dating Blair's step-brother, Blair and Nate broken up, Serena and Nate together, and Jenny on her way to boarding school.

It kind of amazed me how the lower class Brooklyn people were kind of worse than the UES people. The Humphreys are just awful people. (And I have never seen a man wear a barrette in my life, but it happened at least twice in this book.) There's brand names and designers flung around all over the place. Still, it was trashy and I liked it. This review was like when I would try to summarize the plots of "Passions," which I would only do in my head or in my online journal, but still, fun.

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