Things I'm Seeing Without You by Peter Bognanni

"Find out what you want. Find out what you don't want. Screw up some more. Get your heart broken again. Try to be decent along the way. That's how you make a life..."

Tess is not okay. Her online boyfriend Jonah just committed suicide. Out of grief, she drops out of high school and moves in with her estranged father. One of her first actions upon arriving is to symbolically purge herself of Jonah by literally dumping her laptop in the lake, after which she jumps in the lake herself. So, yeah, the poor girl has some issues to work through.

Tess' dad used her college fund to pursue his latest career path: funeral planning. He has mixed results. There was a dog funeral that ended with explosives...it wasn't great. Tess ends up helping him plan a funeral for a prized race horse, and it's a massive success.

Tess partners with her dad with the agreement that he will pay back her college fund. Their newest venture: planning a life celebration for a former burlesque dancer before she succumbs to Alzheimer's. They grow closer, and things start looking up for her. Then she gets a Facebook message from Jonah. Impossible, right? Not so much. I'm going to spoil the plot twist, so look away if you don't want to know...

*MAJOR SPOILER AHEAD*
It turn out that part of the time that Tess had been chatting with Jonah online, she had actually been talking to his roommate Daniel. Obviously, this is deceptive and all kinds of messed up. Tess starts to talk to actual Daniel and together they work through feelings about Jonah and his sudden death, and it's kind of nice.
*SPOILER OVER*

 It was nice to be able to see Tess' journey as she went through the process of grieving Jonah. I also liked seeing her bonding with her father. Things I'm Seeing Without You definitely seemed to try its hardest to be quirky and unique. I wasn't always feeling it, but it was still a pretty good story. There was a lot of hope in the ending, and I liked that a lot.  

I received my copy of Things I'm Seeing Without You from the Goodreads Firstreads Program, courtesy of Dial Books. It's available for purchase now.

The Female of the Species by Mindy McGinnis

"You see it in all animals- the female of the species is more deadly than the male..."

The Female of the Species is such a great, fantastic book. However, it is not the easiest read. I'm just going to put that out there first thing. It deals with murder, animal abuse, rape, and a little bit of poverty. There are some heavy, aching, soul-crushing moments. Through some sort of writing sorcery, there are also uplifting, sweet, and hopeful moments. I was nervous because I had been on a bright and cheery run, and this one is pretty much the opposite. I read it anyways because I love Mindy McGinnis and because it brings up a lot of important issues.

Alex is best known because her sister was murdered. Other than that, she is mostly invisible. What her classmates don't know is that she killed her sister's murderer. He wasn't convicted, so she took justice into her own hands. She doesn't feel bad about it. There is a darkness inside of her, a darkness she inherited from her father.

Then Alex is pulled out of the dark. The first person to get close to her is Peekay. Peekay, P.K. for Preacher's Kid, has a reputation as a good girl because she is the daughter of the preacher. She works hard to shed the reputation, drinking and committing general debauchery. Alex and Peekay both take a class elective at the animal shelter. They bond over a bag of dead puppies.

The second person is Jack. Jack and Alex are salutatorian and valedictorian of their class. He needs to be valedictorian so that he can get a scholarship, get into college, and get out of their small town. She doesn't care either way because she doesn't plan to go to college. Despite hooking up with his childhood friend, who is now the hottest girl in school, Jack becomes obsessed with Alex. He helps pull her car out of a ditch, and they end up in a relationship.

Unfortunately, Alex can't help her nature. When one of Jack's friends grabs her in fun, she hits him where it counts. At a party, some druggie older kids are about to rape Peekay. Thankfully, Alex is keeping an eye on her friend. She stops them, then proceeds to attack the main perpetrator. Jack doesn't quite realize how bad it is until she shows up at his house, smelling like smoke. One of Peekay's friends just found out that her uncle had been molesting her sister. Then his house was on fire...with him in it. This puts a strain on their relationship, understatement of the century.

On to the difficult stuff...it's hard to come up with a good seque that leads into these things. There's a bunch of stuff dealing with animals at the shelter and at Jack's after school job where he slaughters cows (I personally have difficulty reading about animal abuse and death, so I have this mantra where I repeat "It's not real, it's not real" over and over to myself. It's effective, though I still cry a bunch). The kids attend an assembly where a police officer talks about rape. There are two attempted rapes depicted in the book. It's hard to read, but important. There's some cool parts about gender equality. At one point, Alex observes some male classmates pretending to fornicate with a ball in gym class. Nobody bats an eye. She speculates what would happen if she were to do the same, and predicts that it would not be dismissed as easily.

But boys will be boys, our favorite phrase that excuses so many things, while the only thing we have for the opposite gender is women, said with disdain and punctuated with an eyeroll...

I always feel as though I do a poor job explaining these things, but I want to emphasize that this book has a lot of importance. It seems like another YA read about a sociopath murderer, but there is so much more to it. You can read an excellent article where the author talks about her reasons for writing the book and including so many difficult topics here.

I received my copy of The Female of the Species from Edelweiss, courtesy of Katherine Tegen Books. It's available for purchase now.

The Cemetery Boys by Heather Brewer

"Ideas could be changed. Theories could be modified. But beliefs were hard-core. They were solid. They were something that the believers took very, very seriously. And the notion that Devon, Markus, and the others believed in something I expected to encounter only on late-night TV scared the hell out of me. Not because the monsters might exist- really. But because my friends might be on their side..."

Stephen's mother has been sick for a while, worried about dark creatures with wings. She was institutionalized. After his father lost his job, the cost drains all their savings. They are forced to move to his father's hometown, Spencer, Michigan, where people get stuck. Dad plans to find a job in a neighboring town and transfer mom to a hospital close by. Until they get back on their feet, they move in with his mother, Stephen's grandmother, who is not really the cuddly cookie-baking type. Spencer is a very small town, the type of place with old-fashioned diners, corner stores, and judgmental neighbors.

After making a bad impression with a football player, Stephen befriends twins Cara and Devon. Cara is an intriguing punk girl and they...want to do teenagery boy and girl things. It gets awkward because the twins' mother is the town's fanatical religious crazy person and she ends up catching them together. Devon doesn't approve of the pairing either. He wants Stephen to be part of his group of friends. They sneak into the movie theater after close and hang out at the Playground, the local cemetery. Devon is also freakishly obsessed with loyalty, kind of in a culty way.

Then, weird stuff happens. People in Spencer talk about something called the Winged Ones. The town has been suffering through "bad times." If they make a sacrifice to the creatures, their luck will turn around. Stephen thinks those stories are just stories, that none of it could possibly be true. It doesn't really matter what Stephen thinks, because his friends believe in the stories. They believe enough to kill.

The Cemetery Boys showed what most of us fear about small towns. There are gangs of teenagers loitering in cemeteries, religious fanaticals hanging around outside of diners, and creepy monsters with wings who want to eat you. I read this a while ago, and I can't remember a lot of the story (Except a scene that made me crave Doritos), but I definitely remember the ending. It was completely surprising. I quite liked the suspense building in the book, how everything built from "Nice town" to "Well, that's a little weird" to "Thanks for being born in such a messed up town, dad, enjoy paying for my future therapy." It's creepy fun.

I received my copy of The Cemetery Boys from Edelweiss, courtesy of Harper Collins. It's available for purchase now.

Toxic by Sara Shepard

Here it is! Pretty Little Liars #15, the penultimate peril. Stuff gets crazy, as usual. The ending made me pretty angry, but I really knew it was coming. I read that it was going to happen, so I only have myself to blame.

*Spoilers for #14: Deadly*
The Liars were arrested for Tabitha's murder, that little accident that happened during their trip to Jamaica, after the first part of the series. The book ended with the girls tracking down Alison, who was NOT dead! She was being assisted by one Nick, whom all the girls knew from their own special adventures. The dastardly duo lock the fab four into a basement and turn on the gas. Thankfully, the police show up in time to save them. They captured Nick, but there was no sign of Ali.
*End spoilers*

Now, the Liars are trying to get over their latest trauma, almost going to prison for life. They haven't gotten any more A messages, so everyone feels a lot safer. It seems like everything is getting better. All four girls experience a change in fortune.

Emily receives a letter from Jordan, the preppy thief that she met on the eco cruise. Jordan no longer blames Emily for her capture. Emily visits the prison and gets more good news. Jordan's lawyer believes that she can get her case overturned, and she may be eligible for parole in a few months! Emily's family is no longer terrible, but even she admits that it probably won't last. Seriously, Fields family? You suck.

Aria painted a picture of present-day Alison, covered in burns and missing teeth. Her mom's gallery actually sells the painting to a major art collector for half a million dollars. The sale gets Aria interviews from art blogs, plus invitations for showcases. She meets a handsome young journalist named Harrison. He seems like the perfect guy to distract her from Noel, who is still keeping his distance.

Hanna is offered a small part in the new movie being filmed about their lives. She really loves the whole experience and befriends Hailey, the actress who will be playing her. The only bad part is that Hailey's acting is terrible. Hanna doesn't know how to tell her without hurting her feelings, so she doesn't say anything. Because that always works out so well for these girls.

Finally, Spencer has started a blog to help kids who have been bullied. She has gotten a lot of attention from the blog, and even has a woman calling about a book deal. The emails from the blog are mostly positive, such as a very supportive young man named Greg. There is one particular reader with the username DominickPhilly who constantly attacks her and her efforts. They both show up at a panel Spencer attends. DominickPhilly attacks her during a speech, and Greg swoops in to save her. Spencer told herself not to fall for an online guy again after last time, but she can't help herself.

Throughout the book, the girls have been telling everyone that Alison is still alive, but nobody believes them. She attacks Emily, but leaves no trace behind. They trace her to a nearby small town and start asking about her. Everyone who talks ends up dead. There is an online group called the Ali Cats who believe that Alison is unfairly attacked. The Liars don't know who is part of the group, or what they might do. Even harder to predict is Alison's plan. That girl is like a super villain, which is impressive considering she has maybe a 7th grade education.

It's hard to believe that there is only one book left. I wasn't a fan of the ending her. I am so sick of this stuff happening! Still, I am on board to find out how this whole thing ends. Just five more months and it will all be over!

The Murmurings by Carly Anne West

There seems to be a new genre in Young Adult literature. It could be "Psychological Thriller," or "Crazy or Not Crazy" for the less sensitive, or "Books to Read with Your Straight Jacket on" for the even less sensitive. "You think that your life sucks? Read this!" I was thinking about this when I was reading my last book, Hysteria by Megan Miranda. Thankfully, it also applies to The Murmurings (Because I had absolutely no clue how to start writing this review otherwise!).

Sophie's life is messed up. Her sister, Nell, committed suicide after escaping from her mental asylum. They found her hanging upside down by her big toe (Seriously, this gave no one pause- I think it made me snicker). Now, their mother drowns her sorrows in alcohol. Sophie herself has given up caring about school, or anything at all. Then things get spooky up in there. Crazy Nell used to hear strange whisperings and see dark shapes in the mirror. Now, Sophie is hearing those whispers and seeing those shadows. Which is scarier- that everything is in her head, or that it's real?

Because even (possibly) crazy girls can get a man, Sophie starts a relationship with new football player Evan. I was skeptical at first, worried that he was getting close to her as some sort of prank or bet. It turns out that he's legit, and actually really awesome and supportive and understanding. Evan's cousin, Deb, had been committed when they were children, so he can easily sympathize with Sophie.

Throughout the book, Nell's old asylum is trying to reach Sophie's mom. The head doctor, Dr. Keller, wants to talk about Sophie. Nell may have told him that Sophie was also hearing and seeing things. Dr. Keller seems to be trying to get her committed as well...but for what purpose? Dun. Dun. Dun.

The Murmurings did actually give me the wiggins. I was reading the scary descriptions of the Takers in pitch darkness and I was a little freaked out, imagining bony hands reaching towards me from beyond my Glowlight. For that alone, I consider The Murmurings to be a success. It's a little ridiculous, but I managed to keep on until the end.

I received my copy of The Murmurings from Edelweiss, courtesy of Simon Pulse. It's available for purchase now.

Life Is But a Dream by Brian James

The last time I read a book from the point of view of a young woman with a psychological disorder, the story veered in a strange way. (Ultraviolet, reviewed here). Now, we get the real deal.

Sabrina is our narrator. She is in an institution, supposedly because she suffers from schizophrenia. One day, a new boy is admitted, Alec. Sabrina feels as though she already knows him, and they hit it off instantly. Alec believes that he and Sabrina are the only normal people at the institution. He convinces her that she doesn't need her medications, that she is okay the way she is.

It's a little bit discomforting to hear everything in Sabrina's voice, because the reader can easily see that Sabrina is anything but fine. We get Sabrina's childhood memories and memories of the events that lead to her being institutionalized. At the extreme, Sabrina's mind gets to be a very scary place.

I'm having a difficult time deciding how exactly I feel about this book. I'm definitely siding towards positive, but it was a very difficult subject and an intense read. Seeing everything from her point of view gives a great insight into the character. By the end, I really cared about Sabrina and I wanted her to have a happy ending.

I received my copy of Life Is But a Dream from Netgalley by way of Feiwel & Friends. It's available now.

Dead Beautiful by Yvonne Woon

Is it just me, or does the girl on this cover look like Amy Pond?

Renee Winters finds her parents dead in the woods, surrounded by coins and with gauze stuffed in their mouths. Before she knows what is happening, she is whisked away to Gottfried Academy. Gottfried emphasizes classical learning, from philosophy to horticulture (I kept thinking about that Dorothy Parker quote, "You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think"). As often happens in these stories, Gottfried also contains Mysterious Secrets, secrets involving a mysterious death and cover up.

Who has time for Mysterious Secrets when there's brooding boys to chase? Renee's Edward Cullen is the alluring Dante. They start off with one of those verbal sparring matches that you just know are going to lead to kisses. Dante eventually offers to tutor Renee in Latin, as he is incredibly good at it. She enjoys being around him so much that she starts intentionally blowing quizzes to continue the tutoring (We've come so far! The dream is to make all boys think we are mentally incompetent). Still, there are some issues with Dante. He has freezing skin, he seems so old-fashioned, and he never kisses her on the mouth.

A great emphasis is placed upon Rene Descartes' fictional Seventh Meditation. Soon after its release, it was refuted by the church and every copy was burned. The Seventh Meditation deals with the undead. It mentions that all children, under 21, who die and are not properly interred will rise again, but without a soul. These children then have 21 years to find their proper soul, which was transferred to a baby born the day they died. If they find their soul, they kiss the person and live out a normal life. If they don't, their body rapidly deteriorates after the 21 year mark and they die. I find this concept to be terrifying. Signs that children are undead include cold skin, fluency in Latin, and awkward movement.

Not to give away too much, but it takes Renee a lo-o-ong time to connect any dots. It takes so long that I'm kind of suspicious of whether she failed those Latin quizzes on purpose. She's also kind of self-absorbed. She talks her roommate Eleanor's ear off about Dante and the Mysterious Secrets, but she never reciprocates. Eleanor goes missing at one point, and Renee doesn't even report it for two days because she, "Thought she was at the library." She kind of infuriated me with that one.

The parts of this book that I liked were: the boarding school, tying in real philosophy with the made up Seventh Meditation (I'm glad it isn't actually real, because then I would end up punching way more children than usual), the scene where Renee raids her mother's childhood closet, because I would love a closet full of vintage clothes and jewelry at my fingertips. On the other hand, I disliked: yet another retread of Twilight-esque storytelling, self-absorbed heroines, the super power of "finding dead stuff," that there is going to be a sequel, according to Wikipedia. I wouldn't normally mind, because everything has a sequel these days. The ending to Dead Beautiful just seemed very final, and I liked it that way. I'm nervous they're going to spoil that ending.

Tell-All by Chuck Palahniuk

I have never been so happy to finish a book! I almost gave up and quit so many times, but I hate not finishing what I started, and even though I felt like I was moving at a snail's pace, the pages were slowly increasing until I finally got through it all today.

I don't think I really understand the appeal of Chuck Palahniuk, though my entire opinion of him is based on this one book. I like the Golden Age of Hollywood feel of Tell-All and it reminds me a lot of Sunset Boulevard, which is an awesome movie. Still, I have so many objections to all the things weighing the narrative down, such as how every celebrity name appears in bold type.

The book is written as though it were a movie, including film directions for flashbacks and jump cuts. The focus of the movie is Katherine Kenton, the aging film star and Norma Desmond of our story. She is a bag full of crazy fries with crazy sauce on the side, as most Hollywood starlets seem to be when they get up there in age. She has a collection of "was-bands" and dead dogs in her mausoleum, where she also keeps her diaphragm (Don't ask!).

Katherine Kenton is fully reliant upon Hazie Coogan, narrator of Katherine's story. Hazie serves as maid, nanny, etc, and claims to have made Katherine everything that she is. Hazie and Katherine have a ritual of scratching all her wrinkles and imperfections into a mirror right before Miss Kathie gets botox or surgery again.

Katherine eventually takes up with a new man, the young Webster Carlton Westward III. Web makes her want to be young again, dust off the old diaphragm, even go shopping for a baby to adopt. Hazie, on the other hand, sees everything she has worked for falling apart. A young man might cozy up to a once-famous woman and wait until she dies before ruining her legacy with some scandalous memoir.

Sure enough, Webster encourages Katherine to accept a role in a WWII musical in order to get her back in the spotlight. Katherine finds a manuscript for Love Slave: A Very Intimate Memoir of My Life with Kate Kenton in Webster's suitcase. They keep finding more manuscripts that change her means of death from electrocution in the bath to mauling by grizzlies, all with astoundingly bad language and sex scenes involving such words as "meaty shaft" and "love essence." Oh my dear sweet pancakes, those were horrifying.

Anyways, I think anything else would be giving it away. It's pretty much a story of boy meets girl, boy gets girl, boy kills girl, as it says in the foreword. It's also a story of celebrities, having fame, keeping fame. It's a story of living as a celebrity and dying as a celebrity. Fade to black. The End.